There is always something refreshing about coming back to school from a break. Despite the fact that my Spring Break was neither relaxing nor warm, I've come home feeling energized, ready to work and ready to learn. The weather is warming up, and blades of green are poking up through the brown.
Today I have gotten things done I should have done months ago. Things are piling up around me, but I am not panicking, although I am shaking (which may be because I drank too much coffee today). I met with my interim adviser today, and told him about my internship with the American Scholar magazine this summer. The 15-minute appointment turned into a 20-minute discussion about the future of printing, the future of journalism, and my own future. Everything began to sink in: I will be living in D.C. this summer, and I will be working at a real magazine, in the real world. No more college coddling; I'm playing with the big boys now.
To be honest, I'm terrified.
I feel incredibly grateful to be given such a wonderful opportunity, but I'm worried something might happen and the whole thing will fall through. That may partially be my paranoia, but it may also partially be the fact that I have never played this high in the rankings before. My biggest question to myself is: Can I handle it?
Of course I am afraid I will fail. That's just how I am. But I also feel rejuvenated, powerful, like I am taking the first steps toward a life I can't imagine but know is there. The feeling is quite foreign to me.
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